When I started reading John Rosemond’s articles and books, my parenting style was validated.
I was never a Kool-Aid mom. That term was coined by Tom, my youngest son, meaning the mom who was always catering to children — both her own and the others in the neighborhood.
The children of Kool-Aid moms never experienced disappointment and were thus handicapped in some way. I was straightforward with my children and expected them to recognize my authority. There was not a democracy in our house.
My first personalized car tag was I B MOM. It was on my little Nissan Sentra and succinctly stated my position: I’m the mom, and you are not. I did not negotiate with my children. Sometimes, I would explain myself or my actions, but I did not feel the need to do so. And my children did not expect an explanation.
Tom and Chris have turned out to be exceptional men of whom I am very proud. They are successful and independent. Neither of them have ever returned to the nest expecting me to take care of them. And I only say that because it’s a fact.
Certainly, I am not criticizing any parents who have allowed their adult children to live with them; nor do I criticize adult children who may need to do so. My boys contribute to society and take care of their own.
And this is the most astonishing thing: They frequently tell me what a good parent I was. While I did my best, I certainly made my share of mistakes and often had to apologize to my children.
At the advanced age of 53, I adopted a wonderful, beautiful, smart little girl. Just because I have less energy than I did with the boys, I have not been as strict with her. However, our basic relationship is the same. I’m the mom; you’re not. Perhaps it’s her personality, but Kya has always been heartbroken if she knows she disappointed me. Again, I made mistakes with her, but I did my best and we have a strong bond.
Now, she is graduating from high school and getting ready for college. She has a great GPA and is a true student-athlete. Kya seems to have her head on straight and appears to be headed down the same path of success her brothers trod.
My parenting style followed me into the classroom. I was not a touchy-feely, warm and cozy teacher, but I loved, and still love, my students fiercely. I am inordinately proud of their achievements and disappointed when they do not do as well as they could.
For good or bad, I am part of what my children and students have and will become. And they are our future.
That is an intricate relationship, isn’t it? God entrusted His Son to Mary and Joseph to raise and prepare for His purpose. He entrusts children to us for the same reason. They’re His and we must give them our all and our best.
