I was listening to NPR the other day (in the 10 minutes it takes for me to shower and dress in the morning ... and only on those days when it won’t disturb any one who is sleeping in) and the headline to the upcoming news report asked the question: “Can working women make it to the top of their profession?”
The story was about Michele Flournoy, a former high-ranking Pentagon official who is married with two young children. After noting how her work days required her to not only spend many hours on the job but most of it away from home, she decided to resign and spend more time with her family.
This resulted in a long discussion of how women have not reached the pinnacle of their respective chosen roles in society, particularly in the corporate and political worlds. Many were bemoaning this fact and noting that it signaled yet another glass ceiling in the world of women’s rights.
What seemed to be only a footnote in this discussion was the importance of Mrs. Flournoy’s vocation as mother. Sure, it’s her lack of time with her family that led to her decision to come home, but this is seen as the ‘giving up’ of a career rather than someone concentrating on what is arguably the most important “job” they will ever have: parenthood.
Now, I know what you’re thinking. Men are expected to be both fathers AND leaders in the workforce. When they have ambitions in the political or business worlds they aren’t seen as giving up on their families but as simply fulfilling their obligations to society.
Whatever happened to “what’s good for the goose is good for the gander?” Is this just another case of society discriminating against a whole class of peoples? Are women doomed to a “lesser” role in society as a result? Notwithstanding the (in my opinion obvious) fact that mothers are more essential to the upbringing of children than are fathers, the answer to that question depends on your worldview.
Rather, it depends on your definition of the word “lesser.” My own mother was a stay-at-home mom. Like many women of her era, she decided to forego college in order to raise her children after being married at a relatively young age (20) — at least according to today’s standard.
She cooked almost all our meals (we rarely went out to eat and when we did it was considered a real treat. Problem is, my mom sometimes saw this as a knock on her cooking. I remember once biting down on a Big Mac while making a not-so-subtle moan of pleasure and receiving a if-looks-could-kill glare from Mom. Lesson learned). She cleaned (perhaps neurotically) our home and rarely had help in doing so (unless you consider her children “help” ... which I imagine she did not).
After, in my humble opinion, successfully raising her four kids, my mother then embarked on a brief but fulfilling career as a respiratory therapist after earning an associate’s degree. She even helped train some of the therapists on staff here at SMRMC.
It was her “career” at home, however, that society is less likely to recognize. But why? Is there a more important role in life than that of mentor to children? If we rightly consider teachers an essential and irreplaceable part of the upbringing of our youth, why not mothers, who fulfill a similar and arguably more important role in the all-around education of children?
My own wife took the next logical step and, after prayerful discernment, decided (with my initially reluctant support) to homeschool our own children. Looking back, it’s the best decision we ever made as a couple. Why? Because there is no one in this world who loves our children more than their mother. Who better to spend the majority of time with them?
A friend of mine has always said that the idea of “quality vs. quantity” time is misleading. Rarely is it possible to simply “create” quality time. Rather, we must spend time — quantity time — with our children if we are to be around for the quality moments.
My mother made an important decision over 50 years ago to give that gift to her family. My wife did the same for her children. I believe Michele Flournoy has made that same choice and her children are better off for it. The world sees this as giving up something and withdrawing from the world. No doubt it is a sacrifice. Yet to be a successful mother is no small accomplishment.
I recall the conversation between Sir Thomas More and a disappointed Richard Rich, who was denied a recommendation for a political office. Rather, More suggested Rich be a teacher and his comments can readily be paraphrased to include mothers.
When More notes that Rich may be a fine teacher, “perhaps a great one”, Rich asks “Who would know it?” More responds: “You, your pupils, your friends, God. Not a bad public, that...”
My siblings are better off for having been raised by their mother, as are my own kids. Not a bad public, that.
Michael Artigues, a McComb pediatrician, writes on family and social issues, or whatever strikes his fancy. “meus axilla” is Latin for “my armpit,” which he chose as the title of his blog in honor of his dad, who says that opinions are like armpits: everybody has them and everybody else’s stinks.
