Typically, when I sit down to write a new blog entry, I’ve got some recent event from the local or national news on my mind and my dander is up. So much of what we see in the world, from politics to entertainment and everything in-between, is fraught with silliness and incompetence if not down right thievery.
Not that I’m beyond reproach, mind you, or that I’ve got all the answers, but some of these people just need a good dose of common sense and I’d like to think that somebody, anybody, out there can offer that. I’m happy to oblige.
And then there are the tragedies in life. Not the personal ones, mind you. All of us can claim a few of those and they are tragic indeed. Death, illness, depression — even those of us with faith aren’t promised a life of leisure and free of pain this side of The City of God.
In fact, because we know we are made for another world, Christians are called to suffer tragedy with a dose of hope. That’s easier said than done, but without such hope — a hope born out of resurrection and the conquering of death — we would be in the same boat as that of the non-believer; adrift in an ocean of misery and, well, hopelessness.
OK, maybe life isn’t that bad (for most of us). Regardless of how much joy and pleasure this world offers, however, in the end, to quote Rodney Dangerfield, even if I take excellent care of myself from this point on one of these days I am going to get very sick and die. Without an eye on eternity, that’s kind of depressing.
No, I’m referring to the tragedies of humanity in general. The specific loss I lament today isn’t life itself, but marriage.
The late nineteenth century German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche is credited with having claimed “God is dead.” While he may have been a bit misinformed, if he were talking about matrimony he would have been correct ... if about 100 years premature.
According to a recent Pew poll, only about half of adults in America are married — an all-time low. That stat is no doubt also influenced by the fact that men and women are marrying at an older age — 29 and 27 years respectively. That’s not the most impressive (or depressive) stat, however. Only about a third of adults — slightly more women than men — felt that having a successful marriage is one of the most important things in life and only about half felt the same about being a good parent. Talk about your misplaced priorities.
Worse, perhaps, is the fact that over 40% of babies are now born to unmarried women — many of whom are cohabiting with the father of the child. Even the New York Times recognizes that those relationships are not nearly as stable as marriages. The numbers are even worse when we look at minority women specifically.
So what, you might ask? Kids are resilient, aren’t they? Some of the most successful people in our nation were raised by single parents. Heck, even our president can make such a claim.
Problem is, he’s the exception that proves the rule. Legitimate studies show that children born out of wedlock are less educated, are less likely to achieve monetary security and more likely to live in poverty. Who would want this for their child (besides that 50% who don’t think being a good parent is a big deal)?
So many talking heads today — especially those of a liberal mindset — completely ignore this trend and the negative impact on children and the family that have resulted. In their rush to support the single mothers and latch-key kids out there they fail to hold these (biological) fathers accountable.
They point fingers toward “Wall Street,” “the rich” or “Big, bad oil/insurance/medicine/(fill in the blank),” but their refusal — through ignorance or malice — to hold individuals responsible for their own behavior and decisions contributes to the problem by enabling those same individuals.
As the slogan goes in the treatment of chemical addictions: the first step is to admit we have a problem. Like most societal tragedies — and this is indeed a tragedy — the overall magnitude of the problem blinds us to the fact that at the root of the issue are simple, personal choices. And these choices take place on a daily basis.
As a society, shouldn’t we be fighting mad about this? The mood here, however, is more somber. Even people like myself who are inclined to argue passionately on behalf of marriage can feel overwhelmed with the scope of the problem.
How did we get to this point? What does the future hold for marriage? What can we do to avoid the apparently inevitable death of marriage? More on this in a future blog.
Michael Artigues, a McComb pediatrician, writes regularly on family and social issues, or whatever strikes his fancy. “meus axilla” is Latin for “my armpit,” which he chose as the title of his blog in honor of his dad, who says that opinions are like armpits: everybody has them and everybody else’s stinks.
